Of late I seem to have been putting my foot in it. This last past week has seen me hit the big 3.

1. Anniversary meal out with my parents, mother-in-law and wife. She said 'just think, 20 "cough" years today ago we were married', Me quiet innocently thinking about her inebriated state at our reception piped in with "Yeah, I'm suprised you were able to walk the next morning. - Should have seen everyones faces...

2. Yesterday, my sister rang me, holding her nose pretending to be someone from Kitchens Direct. I told her the house owner was still comatose after a heavy nights (non existent) partying. As I was telling her outrageous tales about this imaginary party it quietly dawned on me that I was actually someone from Kitchens Direct.

3. The Biggy.... I was shopping on Saturday, and popped a tin of Almonds into the trolley. I enquired of the wife if we had peanuts in the house ? It's only when she went purple in the face and started to snigger that I realised that I'd called out across the supermarket in a ringing voice ' I HAVE GOT NORMAL NUTS HAVEN'T I ? - Cringe

Please tell me things are going to get better.

Ogre

Its when you find 'modern' pop music rubbish that you are showing your age....... hold on, I hate that.......... no there's always been rubbish pop music, hasn't there?

Oh Ogre, you sound very similar to me, i can put my foot in it anytime, anywhere -
I seem to have bad luck following me some days/weeks
Today i thought i would play a practical joke on my workmates as they are always pinching my sweets off my desk - so thought it would be funny to place some "trick" sweets on there, i nipped outside to have a ciggie, came back and found my MD nearly choking to death on one of the mouth burner ones - he had just popped it in his mouth before starting his "managers meetings" so he was not impressed!
Yesterday as part of my job i have to go on building sites as i was walking i accidentally kicked a small piece of wood which flew up and hit the site manager i was to have a meeting with directly in the head!! he needed 3 butterfly stitches and when i came back from that "meeting" my work collegue was showing me his new car, i was playing with the electric windows and managed to get a paperclip yes a paperclip stuck in them!!! it took ages to get it out!
So I have decided not to visit any antiques shops or pottery shops this week just in case! So as i say Ogre your not alone

JIMMY, I guess you have a subconcious desire to harm authority figures, please lay down on the couch, tell me about your mother..........

Hur Hur (points)

You said 'couch'

Ogre

"JIMMY, I guess you have a subconcious desire to harm authority figures, please lay down on the couch, tell me about your mother.........."

Now you said it. Bwaaaaahhhhh

Ogre

There there, never mind........